When I was young, I heard a story about 3 types of people when it comes to getting over bitterness. The first type of people are like carrots. When the hurts and wounds come like fire, they become softer. They let people step all over them. They don’t know how to respect themselves. They don’t have boundaries. Life is miserable. The second type is completely different, when hurts and wounds burn, they become harder and harder just like a hard-boiled egg. They do not allow people to get closer to them. They are closed off because they are afraid to love and they are fearful of being hurt again. The third type of people are like coffee beans. When you brew them, they become something greater with fragrance that you cannot ignore (Except those coffee haters out there, then, just use tea of some sort for your example)!
However, there is a very important step when it comes to a good cup of coffee! You need to filter the bad stuff out EVERY SINGLE TIME! When it comes to forgiveness, sometimes, it might take many many times of Emotional Brewing, rather than a one-time deal! The following 7 steps might take you a long time to finish, but try your best today to brew and filter. I believe you can soon smell the fragrance of freedom from your bitterness!
- Ask God to bring to mind the names of those people you need to forgive by expressing the following prayer aloud:
“Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the riches of your kindness, forbearance, and patience knowing that Your kindness has led me to repentance (Romans 2:4). I confess that I have not extended that same patience and kindness toward others who have offended me, but instead I have harbored bitterness and resentment. I pray that during this time of self-examination You would bring to mind those people that I have not forgiven in order that I may do so (Matt 18:35). I ask this in the precious name of Jesus. Amen. [1]
- As God reveals those names to you, living or dead, make a list of only the names. At the end of your list, write “myself” (accepting God’s cleansing and forgiveness). Also, write “thoughts against God”. Technically, we cannot forgive a God who did not sin, but we need to renounce false expectations and deceptive lies about God and agree to release any anger you have towards Him. [2]
- As you pray, pray aloud, … DON’T say, “Lord, please help me to forgive…”, say “Lord, I choose to forgive.. (the offender) for…(the offense)”
- At the end, say, “Guilty as charged, Case Dismissed”.[3]
- Shred it, burn it, flush it.
- Then pray,
“God, I don’t feel like dismissing this, but I don’t want to be controlled by this any longer. I choose to forgive and release it to you. Now, help me walk away from how I feel and enjoy the fragrance of freedom. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen!”
- Repeat the process until you have had an “emotional brewing” for everyone on your list. Don’t stop until you have brewed everything.
[1] Adapted from Dr. Neil T. Anderson (Steps to Freedom in Christ)
[2] Ibid
[3] Adapted from Dr. Ed Laymance (Flushing Exercise)